These Scars
by talkinglikeateen
Summary: Korra's wandering in those six months made more of an impact on her than anyone truly knows. All Asami wants is to understand what happened.


These Scars

* * *

She had never asked before about where the scars had come from. After her accident Asami had memorized every single one of Korra's scars. She knew the stories behind a few that marred the skin, but now the espresso skin had new raised, pink gashes. These were scars from her months of wandering.

She had always wondered where she had gone. Those months were a mystery that only Korra knew the truth of. The story of the end of Korra's forced seclusion was all anyone knew, but that had only been a week of the almost seven months she had disappeared for. The only person who could answer all of the questions was the one person Asami was afraid to ask.

Korra had been asked dozens of times by Tenzin, Mako and Tonraq where she had gone during those months, but her only response was a shrug. It was almost as if Korra was so disconnected at the time that she couldn't didn't even know what she had done herself. Despite wondering, Asami never questioned. She knew Korra would tell her if it truly mattered. Sometimes she would tell her small details but never the full story.

One day she had returned from work and had found Korra cooking in her kitchen. It was surprising on many different levels. Before she had left Korra couldn't cook anything but her instant noodles, and sometimes those even got burnt when she would impatiently firebend to try to get them to cook faster.

"When did you learn to cook? Last time you came over here you managed to burn a kettle trying to boil water for tea," she implored.

Korra shrugged, "I worked in a restaurant to get passage from the Fire Nation to Omashu. They needed an assistant cook. It was learn fast or be fired, so I learned. It was before Kuvira took over the city."

Korra returned to cooking. Asami just sat down and stared, wondering what else she had learned during her time away.

The longer they dated the more little details started to add up.

"Yeah, getting chased by a bunch of earth benders is tough. It is even worse when it's metal benders. Getting hit by flying metal leaves its mark," Korra said one day pointing to a scar on her forearm.

Asami started collecting these details and writing them into a book trying to figure out when and where these events happened. Slowly the pages were filled with writing and question marks.

_Fire Nations to Omashu – Metal benders in Omashu or between Omashu and Gaoling_

_ Scar behind ear from a cave in during journey. Most of the cave paths are in the Earth Kingdom_

She hid this book so Korra wouldn't know what she spent hours studying over in her office. She knew the girl wouldn't understand why she had this dying need to know what had happened to her. Korra had changed so much in that time, she had lost the brashness and was much more hesitant than she had been in the past. Some of that may be due to the lost confidence that came from having to relearn to do the simplest tasks, but some must have come from her experiences during the three years of separation.

* * *

As the years went on the details became fewer and farther in between. Her pages in her book were filled with small details, but the picture was just as distorted as it had been in the beginning. Two years and still she had no real ideas of what Korra had done during her travels. She finally couldn't take it. One day while Korra was reading reports from the new Earth Kingdom government she finally asked.

"So… Future Industries is thinking about taking on some contracts for the reconstruction and update of the Earth Kingdom. I never really got to see much before the Earth Queen died and didn't see the destruction that happened after or when Kuvira was there. I know you traveled around there. What was it like?" she asked, trying not to show her true intentions with the question.

Korra stopped reading her reports. Her face contorted to a look of concern. In the five seconds since she had finished the question Korra's demeanor had changed completely.

She finally broke her silence, "I know why you're really asking. I've seen the book."

Asami muttered under her breath, "Oh shit."

"I don't understand why you need to know so badly. It was a fucking awful time. I regret what I did then so much. If you knew what I did you wouldn't look at me the same," Korra said turning away from Asami.

Asami got up and turned Korra to face her again, "Or maybe, knowing all you went through would help me understand. It might just make me love you even more."

Korra's eyes stared to well up with tears. Her voice wavered, "You could never love me for what happened there. I was so lost. I did so much I wouldn't have done any other time."

Asami's arms wrapped around her, "I think keeping this inside is just going to hurt you even more. You've never really recovered from it. You just buried it."

"Better to bury it than have it bury you," Korra choked out.

"But it is burying you," Asami said.

Korra left the girl's arms, "I…I just… there is so much."

Asami smiled weakly, "Let's just start at the beginning.

"It started when I was returning to Republic City..."

Asami finally knew the truth, or least most of it. Sometimes she wished she hadn't asked, but knowing helped her understand Korra more. Had anyone else gone through what she had in those three years they may have decided to end it all, but Korra eventually found herself and fought to get back to where she had been.

She realized eventually that Korra still had kept some stuff from her. It was the stuff she thought Asami couldn't handle with all the information that she threw at her. It was stuff like her time working in the mines to get money and the comforts she took with various companions.

"I watched them all die. There was some gas that leaked out and ignited with the ancient lanterns. I managed to earth bend myself shelter, but these kids were too far down. When I came out I heard their cries from deeper in the mines. They were burned so bad that they couldn't breathe anymore. The explosion had gotten rid of the moisture in the air, I couldn't heal them. I just sat and watched as they died. Six of them. All dead before even fifteen," she revealed to Asami after her nightmares had woken them both up.

Asami just pulled her closer letting the girl feel that she was no longer alone with her nightmares. That she would share this pain.

"I took comfort in ways I regret. I was disconnected from my friends, family and even Raava. I felt so alone and like I couldn't feel anything properly. I used people. I pretended to feel more than I did. I used them like whores and discarded them once they couldn't keep the nightmares away," Korra revealed, tears rolling slowly down her cheeks.

She asked Asami after her tears had stopped, "How could you love someone who could do something like that?"

"Because you regret it, while others wouldn't. I know how easy it is to fall into despair. Without you, Mako and Tenzin's family I might have followed a similar pattern when my Dad revealed he was an equalist. I had support. You had nothing," Asami answered, trying to make the girl understand that she didn't blame her for anything that had happened.

"I had nothing by my own choice," Korra argued, still trying to get Asami to see the blame was on her.

"In our darkest moments we sometimes can't seek the help we need and instead try to distance ourselves from it. We left you alone in the south. I could have visited you at the South Pole but I let myself get blinded by the possibilities for my company. If you blame yourself I should be blamed as well," she responded.

"You have never been the cause of any of my pain. You can't take this blame," Korra said shaking her head. She knew in her heart that Asami was probably the best person out of them all in team avatar.

"I've caused you pain. I know I have," she sighed, remembering the time they fought over Mako and various unimportant things.

Korra caught her hands and kissed the knuckles, "But you've healed every wound possible. You know my lows and you keep me going when I can't even imagine getting out of bed."

"I could have kept you safe had I not listened and followed you to the South Pole. I was just too concerned with my family legacy and returning it to glory. In that haze I let you get hurt," Asami argued trying to pull away.

Korra pulled the girl in even closer, "Wounds heal and scar over. These scars may stay with us forever, but some will vanish with time and proper treatment while others will lessen."

"I just wish I could do something," Asami said, finally letting her emotions take over. Tears were now freely flowing down her perfect face

Korra just gave her a look of astonishment and wiped the tears away, "Don't you know? You are the only thing that makes me better."

After that the two just held onto each other, too afraid to let go. There were no more stories to tell. Korra never told another soul what had really happened, and Asami would never tell anyone else. They just started living, trying to deal with all of their mistakes in the past. As time went on Korra slowly start heal. Like a scar, the trauma she faced slowly started to fade from the foreground. It no longer defined her. Sometimes scars become so faint that they are almost unable to be seen. The imperfection is still there, but it no longer defines the image. They can heal over.


End file.
